


Heavy

by Anonymous



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Ash Lynx Lives, Body Image, Body Worship, Canon Backstory, Insecurity, Introspection, M/M, Mpreg, Omega Verse, Past Abortion, Photographer Okumura Eiji, adjusted for abo obviously, no beta we die like shorter, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 09:40:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29731935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Ash was surprised when his belly grew.  Intellectually, he should have expected it—he’d read half a dozen books telling him what he should be expecting while expecting and still.Still.  The experience lingered between reality and a dream.Eiji, his alpha, Ash reminded himself, was a prominent photojournalist for the New York Times.  With the steady stream of income, Ash didn’t have to work.His body recovered from the suppressants faster than Ash ever had expected.  Two years off and…
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 1
Kudos: 55
Collections: Anonymous





	Heavy

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the tags. There is a general description of a past abortion; it is framed as the right choice, but please do not read if this will be harmful to you.

Ash was surprised when his belly grew. Intellectually, he should have expected it—he’d read half a dozen books telling him what he should be expecting while expecting and still.

Still. The experience lingered between reality and a dream. 

Eiji, _his alpha_ , Ash reminded himself, was a prominent photojournalist for the New York Times. With the steady stream of income, Ash didn’t have to work. 

His body recovered from the suppressants faster than Ash ever had expected. Two years off and…

It was not the first time Ash had been pregnant. The last time, with Dino, had been so different. For one thing, Ash had kept it a secret. It had taken all of his genius, all of his connections, to get the abortion under the radar. 

Shorter had held him close as the medicine worked its magic. Shorter had watched over him while he suffered through the cramps, brought him water and aspirin and distraction. He sometimes wondered what Shorter would think of him now.

And although it had hurt him so deeply, felt cruel at the time, Ash owed all of his new freedom to that choice. 

He wouldn’t be sitting here, in a clean Park Avenue apartment, surrounded by warmth and love, if he hadn’t made that choice. With a man for whom he _did_ want to bear pups. He didn’t regret his decision, but sometimes he thought of it, just one more thing weighing down his past.

It was a squib of a pregnancy. He was only ever nauseous at the thought of what was growing inside of him. Only slightly more exhausted than he normally was. Nothing about him really changed in those six weeks before he terminated it. He didn’t grow. He grew two inches taller that year but didn’t gain a pound.

But this time, with Eiji, was the real deal. He threw up for weeks, despite Eiji cooking whatever he demanded.

He craved _natto_ of all things.

His back hurt constantly.

And his belly expanded to hold the new life he was creating. Slowly at first, and then all at once. For months it was almost imperceptible, and now he couldn’t bend over at his waist to fucking tie his own red converse. 

Ash had been so lithe his entire life. That was the point for _them_ , wasn’t it? He was skinny and small and appeared so vulnerable and innocent. It was a part of who he was that the _clients_ had demanded but it was not something about himself he had grown to hate. It might have been the only thing. He liked that he wasn’t some bulky musclebound weapon. Not some blunt instrument.

And Eiji had fallen in love with him like that: skin, bones and muscle. Tendons. Nothing excess, nothing beyond a strong, slim, functional frame.

It felt odd to Ash that he would be loved even though he was wearing giant shirts draped over his stomach, whining about this or that pain most of his waking hours, and seemed to puke things up proportional to how much effort Eiji had gone to in preparing them. 

Angry red stretchmarks scorched his sides, punishing him for getting pregnant without any fat on his body. As if he needed to be any more tender and raw.

Eiji loved him anyway, like he always did. Like Ash hadn’t changed a bit.

If anything, Eiji was extra insistent that Ash eat well and sleep right. He didn’t seem to care that it was harder for him to wrap his arms around Ash’s waist, or that the firm muscles that had defined him were softened by a layer of fat.

As Ash poked at a warm ramen bowl, Eiji read his mind.

“What does it feel like?” Eiji asked. He always knew better than to ask something simple, direct. Something that Ash could just _lie_ about.

With one hand, Ash reached down to stroke his stomach gently.

It felt heavy. Physically, when he walked, he had to adjust, and when he sat down it perched in his lap. Sometimes it fluttered with a new life, slowly awakening to the world around it. It made him feel already so full and simultaneously more hungry than he could ever remember being. And mentally, when he caressed his bump he wondered, how could the woman who held him this way abandon him.

She must have gone through it too. Like everything else about his not-first pregnancy, it was a contradiction: a point of connection with the mother he never knew, and something more about her that he could never fully understand.

He thanked every star in the sky that Eiji was nothing like his father.

Eiji was soft, warm. Eiji didn’t blame him for any of this. Even the fact that he was an omega that hadn’t planned to have pups. He was so damaged in so many ways—he still couldn’t make it through the night sometimes. Even when Eiji had a big shoot the next day, he would stay up with Ash. Hold him through tears. Cradle him like _he_ was the baby, until Ash fell asleep again.

Of course he wanted to raise a child with Eiji, even if it wasn’t all on purpose.

“Heavy,” the easy answer spilled out of his mouth first. Literal weight was so much easier to admit to. And there really wasn’t any hiding it. He looked swollen—even the edges of his face, his ankles, tiny corners of his body couldn’t escape.

“Vulnerable,” he continued. Ash’s baby bump entered a room before him. It was indefensible, a tactical nightmare. He felt that way, even though the dangers had passed. Safety never felt real to him.

“Sore.” Ash finished. Under Eiji’s concerned eye, he diligently slurped some more noodles. They were soft on his tongue, and salty.

Eiji nodded and proceeded to start telling Ash about his day. He had a funny story about a colleague who insisted that he help her with her Instagram. Ash was supposed to be the genius, but Eiji knew just how to change the subject to make Ash feel more comfortable.

When their dinner was over, the bittersweet tone of the meal lingered. Eiji spotted Ash’s hands getting purchase on the table to get the leverage necessary to heave himself from the dinner table, and leapt to help.

Ash wanted to brush him off, but he was always weak for his husband’s doting affection. It felt nice to be worried about, and Eiji was so _good_ at taking care of him. So the legend, the beast, the great Ash Lynx was carefully propped on his feet and lovingly walked over to their bed.

“I’ll join in a sec!” Eiji chirped. “I’ve just got to clean up the table.”

It was far too early for bed, but given Ash’s many injuries in the past, the specialist had informed him he really should be on bed rest, especially for the later months. Ash didn’t always comply during the day; he liked to go on little walks to the Farmer’s Market or the Met, but when Eiji was home it was the least he could do.

Pretend to be a good, obedient pregnant omega.

Eiji sometimes told stories of his co-workers, and one of the other photojournalists had a pregnant omega wife at home too. Ash was always in competition with this woman who otherwise barely existed to him. “She’s having twins!” Eiji had announced over dinner. Ash’s jealous brain made him foolishly wish for triplets.

When his own sonogram had confirmed that he was only having one baby, his traitorous mind felt like it had lost an imaginary competition.

When things like that really got to him, sometimes he called Max. Max was forbidden from visiting after the last time he’d made a joke at Ash’s expense. Since then, he’d been on his toes—and maybe Jessica had put the fear of God back into the man. But if his routine became too much more difficult, Ash was seriously contemplating having Max visit on his lunch break.

Ash was considering making one of these calls, even just to hear Max’s voice call him son again. At least he could make fun of the old man, and curse all alphas for daring to inflict this on _anyone_.

But Eiji finally returned, a bottle of lotion in hand and a sheepish smile on his face.

“What?” Ash looked up at him, a little coquettishly, through his blond eyelashes. He knew he wasn’t in his seductive prime, but seeing a blush rise on his husband’s cheeks was a small comfort.

“You… said you were sore. I thought I could help.” The offer was so earnest. Even though Ash still felt a little uncomfortable with someone else bearing witness to his marked up belly, he tugged on the oversized shirt.

Ash expected to feel exposed, but the smile on Eiji’s face was too pure and giddy. 

“We’re so close!” Eiji gushed. He dabbed some lotion onto his own fingers and softly reached out to trace over Ash’s delicate stretch marks.

They were sensitive, and it tickled, forcing Ash to smile in the way only Eiji could.

“You’re amazing,” Eiji said, eyes turning to meet Ash’s. 

Suddenly, everything seemed lighter.


End file.
